UNIFOR’s Acceptance of Deal Suspiciously Close to CO-OP’s “Summer of Propane” Sales Events

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REGINA, SK – A breath of relief echoed throughout the province of Saskatchewan as CO-OP and UNIFOR finally came to an agreement regarding the pension benefits for CO-OP employees after a tumultuous six-month strike between the CO-OP Refinery Complex and UNIFOR Local 594. As of June 19, 2020, the two organizations have seemingly come to an agreement to allow CO-OP employees to return to work while receiving agreeable pension benefits.

While the agreement seems mutually beneficial, The Pot Hole News journalists are quite frankly smarter than the average bear and noticed a discrepancy in the timing of the agreement. In this instance, The Pot Hole News must point out that UNIFOR’s acceptance of CO-OP’s offer is conspicuously close to the energy company’s summer sales event, namely, the “Summer of Propane” sales event which may be found on any local flyer or newspaper. As this subject is volatile, The Pot Hole must remind our readership that we maintain a strong moral fibre and are an objective news source. Editing our material or accepting exterior influences for monetary gain is entirely out of the question.*

Local sources confirm that CO-OP members and employees may benefit from the unreal savings event on not only propane but also products such as petroleum, home-building materials, and day-to-day goods that every Saskatchewan resident arguably needs. Lately, it has been argued that the agreement has only been made so that the employees may reap CO-OP’s tremendous summer sales event.

“On paper, yes, it does look a little suspicious,” said Michael Gabriel (33), a material handler who has been with the refinery for over five years. “That being said, I am only a small cog in a large, complex machine. How can I help it if when I return to work also coincides with such amazing deals like fifteen percent off all propane refills and tank purchases or $9.99 on fully cooked pork back ribs? Anyone in my position would have done the same. I have to provide for my family, if I can do so while also providing them with three cases of Kool-Aid water enhancers for $10.98, then so be it.”

The Pot Hole reached out to the Premier, Scott Moe, for comment. Mr. Moe, visibly excited at the mention of propane and a potential spike in propane sales, retorted at the allegations that UNIFOR only accepted an agreement in light of the propane sales bonanza, “I am glad that the workers of CO-OP are able to return to their jobs, like everyone else. If you don’t see the value in propane savings while also working again, well, that’s just asinine, I tell you w’hat.”

 

*We are interested to see who from the two companies have the faster readers and more importantly the faster chequebook. We have coded this article in a way that none of the rubes reading it will see this message. We will 100% accept nearly any form of payment to alter this article in your favour. If we did this right, only corporate accounts from either company should be able to see this message. Send us an email and we will stick it to those corporate liars and scabs {://retract4_COOP} or those lazy, entitled jerk-offs {://retract8_UNIFOR}. We accept payment via E-transfer, credit, Paypal, or a good haul of empties for SARCAN.