The Pot Holes News’ Top 10 Tips to Celebrate a 2020 Canada Day

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Photo Credit: Maxime Vermeil

2020 has certainly been an unusual and trying year. However, we can now celebrate Canada Day as we also mark the halfway point of this decade-starting debacle of a year. At The Pot Hole, we want our readership to celebrate Canada Day in the most fun and safe way possible.

For those of you who do not know, Canada Day was invented in 1972 by Imperial Tobacco Canada. The statutory holiday was implemented by lobbyists as a part of the company’s Great White Nation of Flavour Sweepstakes in which children could vote on the name of the holiday and be entered to win Imperial Tobacco products and merchandise. The name of Canada Day just barely beat out du Marier Day and B. Houde & Co. Day.  

A lot has changed since then, but the spirit of the sweepstakes remains the same. Every year, millions of Canadians gather to celebrate our great nation. Let us take you through our Top 10 Tips to celebrate our unusual nation during this unusual year!

1 – In light of recent events, ensure that your John A. Macdonald statues are displayed and worshipped indoors this year.

2 – The loosening of COVID-19 restrictions means that you can celebrate the nation with friends and family outdoors. Do not panic; just breathe and remember that it is only seven days until the casinos are open again.

3 – Remind yourself that anyone who does not agree with you politically is a traitor to the nation and should not only be denied some of your signature whiskey-glazed BBQ ribs but also be sentenced to death by hanging.

4 – No Canada Day party is complete without drinks and snacks! Treat your guests to fantastic Canadian products such as Bud Light®, Coors Light®, Pepsi®, Cheetos®, Doritos®, and Mountain Dew: Baja Blast®.

5 – Please be sensitive to your Wexit-leaning relatives this Canada Day. They are standing by their morals to not celebrate Canada and instead will have chosen to not take a long weekend or day off at all for the stat holiday.

6 – Take the monumental year of 2020 to allow yourself to grow into time-honoured traditions. Every Canadian family must have someone who treats everyone else with drunken, delusional hot-takes and makes the younger female members of the family uncomfortable. Why can’t that be you this year?

7 – When your Francophone neighbours inform you that Saint-Jean-Baptiste Day has just passed, congratulate them on the day with a Western congratulations translated to their native tongue: tout le monde s’en fout!

8 – Ensure that all of your supplies and needs are met before the day as the entire population of Saskatchewan will be out at the lake.

9 – If you are hosting a Canada Day party, do not forget to give them a home tour to show them your vehicles, kitchen renovations, appliances, and entertainment electronics. This is considered a subtle and polite way to flex on those broke losers.

10 – Hold the ones you care about the most very closely as this may be the last year that you might get to spend with them. This may include your AK-47, your AR-15, your Glock, your semi-auto 9mm, and your TAR-21.