REGINA, SK – The Coalition of Saskatchewan Girlfriends, an organization whose membership consists of all active girlfriends, fiancées, and wives in Saskatchewan have released a statement today that they are excited to announce the final draft of the Summer 2020 Schedule that will dictate the rest of your summer.
The coalition was formed in 2001 and meets in Regina, SK four times per year to discuss issues and solutions for female Saskatchewan residents in relationships. It was formed in response to chronic issues plaguing girlfriends in the province such as towels being folded the wrong way, your obnoxious friends, a high volume of socks being discarded on the floor, and mostly due to the condition known as Husband Blindness (the condition where you cannot find the honey mustard even though its on the second shelf of the fridge where it’s always been and is right in front of your idiot face).
Ashley Lakin (24), a spokeswoman for The Coalition of Saskatchewan Girlfriends, announced in a statement today that your plans for the summer are completely scheduled to include a maximum volume of summer activities. The implemented plan includes a diverse ratio of activities that range from being spontaneous, formal, outdoorsy, and romantic with a strong emphasis on allowing the province’s girlfriends to showcase cute summer outfits.
“This summer is going to be so lit,” said Lakin, “Next weekend, we are going to visit an artisanal dairy farm and craft store. We’ll get so many natural products and cute stuff for the house while also checking out the farmer’s market! After that, we’ll be going to Amanda’s cabin for the weekend to hang out with the girls. Hey, Sona’s boyfriend Adam is gonna be there, he likes cars just like you! That’ll be a lot of fun. The last weekend of the month we’ll be going to my cousin Brandon’s wedding. I can’t wait!”
Before Lakin continued with weekend plans stretching to the end of September, she was questioned by reporters if the coalition’s plan included weekday activities, as well.
“Absolutely. While we do not understand how the province’s boyfriends cannot even sweep up the floor while they are at home working all day, we do understand that 2020 has been a challenging year for them, too. This is why we have decided to include a weekday plan to this schedule that will involve plenty of beach days, outdoor meals, free events at the park, and double dates. That it is not to say that the coalition’s plan is all fun and games, there are a multitude of structured weekly chores that actually need to get done, not just sweeping the garage and clearing the gutters like you always do.”
Sources confirm that the 2020 summer schedule will transition seamlessly into the Autumn 2020 Schedule that will include but is not limited to apple picking, drinking coffee on brisk October mornings, shopping for sweaters and voluptuous decorative pillows, and spending time with her parents over the Thanksgiving weekend.
The Summer 2020 Schedule was delivered to the province’s boyfriends today by dropping the 300-page document on their laps while they were on the couch. Tragically, the province’s boyfriends would have to wait another two months before they could beat the PlayStation game The Last of Us: Part II.