Dear Pot Hole News,
Thank you for allowing me to submit a letter to the editor even though you are Fake News and a cog in the liberal, [retracted]-loving agenda’s machine. You are everything wrong with this nation and I hope that you all die horribly in a fire. Once again, thank you for publishing my thoughts.
I am writing in today to speak on our government’s iron-fist grip on our rights and freedoms during the corona pandemic. Let’s be honest, us having to walk around wearing masks like a bunch of cowards and [retracted] is a fucking disgrace. Take me, for example, I am an avid hunter and have flown to four continents over the course of pandemic with no signs of quarantine or slowing down. Being the rugged man that I am, I never wash my dishes and only own one glass, which is never rinsed let alone washed. I am no stranger to women’s orifices, either. My tongue goes all places.
With this in mind, it should come as no surprise that I am also incredibly fit. My strength and fitness far surpasses that of the average pencil-pushing cuck. I have spent more time in the gym than every Liberal Arts major in the world put together (which isn’t hard as that only equals about a half hour). I do not need to follow the rules now just like I did not need to follow the rules when the fascist liberals decided that I needed to wipe my dumbbells down and return them to their spot on the rack. This has always been a detriment to our freedom of speech, and I will never bow down just to “be considerate to other people”. That is code for allowing weakness in your life. The corona has not affected me personally and therefore does not matter, just like it does not matter if someone else touches my sweat. If anything, they should be thankful for that honour.
The day that you do not see my dumbbells on the floor means that my dignity and my freedom is there instead. I am sorry, Mr. Trudeau, but I will not give you that satisfaction. Keep your paper towels and your disinfectant, I will keep my freedom of speech and my sick gains.
-Burke Simmons, Saskatoon, SK