Jackpot! Local Man Finds a Nearly Whole Cigarette on the Ground

SASKATOON, SK – An unexpected yet welcome surprise came for local man Gerald McFadden (32), who was dumbstruck upon finding a nearly complete cigarette in the parking lot of the Sask Liquor Store on Confederation Dr., Saskatoon.

“Butts in the city have been absolute bullshit lately,” said McFadden to The Pot Hole, caressing a case of 12 Old Vienna beer under his arm. “If you can even manage to find a butt ‘cuz of all the restrictions they are right down to the knub, or they’re one of those slim cigs that only old ladies and [redacted] smoke.”

These frustrations were in part why Mr. McFadden was elated to find an almost untouched cigarette in the parking lot of the liquor store just a few spaces from his 1995 Ford Bronco. The part-time fencer went on to discuss how this rare find completely made his day.

“Can you believe it? This cigarette only has one, maybe two puffs taken out of it! This is a du Marier, too. For how much is left on this thing, I would have taken almost anything, Hell, I would have taken a Macdonald. The fact that it’s a premium brand is just a plus.”

Speculation has been rampant as to why someone would dispose of a cigarette briefly after igniting it. The prominent theories include entering a car whose owner did not allow smoking, someone who dislikes smoking only accepting one to be polite, having to drop the cigarette after missing a city bus and dropping it in haste, or perhaps the smoker tried a new brand and found that they disliked it.

“What a waste,” said McFadden. “If it weren’t for me stumbling across this almost pristine cancer stick, it would have been soaked by the rain or stomped on. I, for one, am happy that it can be smoked by someone who actually appreciates it, doesn’t take his cigarettes for granted, and rations cigarettes wisely.

At press time, Mr. McFadden had already consumed the discarded cigarette and was inquiring if The Pot Hole‘s reporters had any on them that they could spare.