Report: R.M. Grater Operator Ain’t Good for Fuck All

R.M. of Round Valley, SK – Local grain farmer and disgruntled Unity citizen, Adam Busby (44), is reportedly outraged about the under performance of the R.M. grater operator over the past two years. “That grater operator, all he does is put his blade down about 3 inches and fuckin’ tromps on ‘er,” speculates Busby. “He must get paid by the mile and not by the hour.” Busby, a 2,000-acre grain farmer and father of 3, noticed the grater operator’s alleged incompetence while on the rural roads during seeding and harvest. According Busby, nobody knows the local roads better than him.

Members of the Round Valley R.M. area reportedly rolled their eyes due to Busby’s past grievances such as the quality of the grounds keeping at the sports ground, the frequency of pit parties held by the local youth, and how the town of Unity’s budget is being used at the water treatment plant.

One anonymous source referred to Busby as, “…an armchair expert who desperately needs to get laid.”

When confronted with the accusation of poor workmanship, grater operator Bob Sage (38) said, “I’ve been grating roads for 22 years now, been doing it since I was 16. I started in South Missouri, where I didn’t have to deal with massive frost heaves and overloaded trucks, didn’t have to deal with lazy do-nothings with sticks up their asses, either. I may not be perfect, but I’m a hell of a lot better than Adam could ever do. I’ve even offered to teach him on weekends so he could start doing it. He turned that down in a Hell of a hurry, so, what does that tell you?” Sage had recently accepted the role of grater operator in the R.M., and aside from Busby, locals claim he is doing a fine job.

 “When it comes to grating roads, he don’t know his ass from that hole in the ground,” said Busby. Busby then showed a reporter the damage that was done to his truck, a 1997 Chevy half-ton. According to Busby, he had to replace the suspension from “all the fuckin’ wash boarding” and had his oil pan taken out from “a big fuckin’ boulder” on the gravel roads.

“It doesn’t help that a lot of locals are putting down that calcium shit in front of their yards to prevent dust from kicking up, I say move back to New York City, you yuppie,” proclaims Busby. “Gentle Jesus, meek and mild, does that calcium shit ever make the roads soft.”

At press time, Busby was heard complaining to a local gas station attendant about “horny” teenagers drifting around every corner of the local grids while high on marijuana cigarettes.