REGINA, SK – Officials from the Saskatchewan Health Authority (SHA) have released a statement today to give the Saskatchewan population some tips on how they can stay in shape during the summer of the COVID-19 pandemic. Of these suggestions included that a person should consider riding a bicycle to get place-to-place. Experts agree that this is a great way for a person to condition the heart, lungs, and muscles while they are under a driver’s license suspension on a Driving Under the Influence (DUI) charge.
“Now more than ever, Saskatchewan residents need to be taking care of their physical health,” says Dr. Paresh Ahuja, a resident physician with the SHA. “We only have a bit of summer in Saskatchewan to take advantage of the good weather and get out there. Besides, the average license suspension is about three months. That should give you plenty of time to get in shape before you get your license back and then never have to exercise again.”
Dr. Ahuja also suggested that Saskatchewan residents increase their exercise intensity by collecting and carrying garbage bags of recyclables to SARCAN, which will make them a bit of coin on the side. He also suggested that residents should not be stationary for long periods of time and should avoid sitting at desks like the ones that SGI have at their bullshit DUI courses.
British Columbia has released a similar statement. Dr. Raymond “Horn Dog” LaFluer, a PhD in Epidemiology and Biostatics and long-haul petroleum trucker and a spokesperson for the British Columbia Centre for Disease Control suggested that bailing from your vehicle and outrunning the cops on foot is a better way to stay in shape while also keeping your license.