News in Brief: Guy with Lights Off on Halloween Obviously Home

DUCK LAKE, SK – Children and adults of the Duck Lake area have confirmed witness testimonials that, once again, local cheapskate Eric Bechdel (58) has turned off his lights in a pathetic attempt to appear that he is not home for the Halloween season.

Residents of Duck Lake have reported that from the approximate dates of October 28th to November 1st, the local buzzkill keeps all his outdoor and indoor lights off to deter potential trick-or-treaters from knocking at his door. Mr. Bechdel believes that this technique is enough to ward off children and their parents, despite obvious signs that he is home such as his truck being parked in the driveway and the telltale glow of his television radiating out of his window.

“If he tries to tell you that he’s doing this ‘cuz of the COVID, don’t buy that for a second,” says William Anderson (33). “He has been doing that shit since I was a kid out trick-or-treating and is pulling the same stunt on my two kids.”

“As if buying a 90 pack of mini chocolate bars and handing some out to children every ten minutes or so once per year is the greatest chore in the world.”

The local youth have expressed their displeasure with Mr. Bechdel and are planning an appropriate retaliation strategy involving the use of eggs, frozen tampons, firecrackers, and toilet paper.

At press time, The Pot Hole News attempted to reach Mr. Bechdel for a comment but saw that his lights were off, indicating that he was not home. However, sources confirm that he is considering being kinder to the local children next Halloween and has plans to distribute apples and toothbrushes to trick-or-treaters.