Report: Mandatory Masks Really Taking the Fun out of Crop-Dusting

Anna Shvets/Pexels

REGINA, SK – Nearly a week has gone by since mandatory mask laws have come into effect in Saskatchewan. As of November 19th, 2020 Saskatchewan residents have been required to wear non-medical masks when inside public buildings such as grocery stores, retail businesses, banks, event centers and even recreational sites such as hockey rinks.

Most citizens view the mandatory masks as a minor inconvenience while others are not affected by the requirements at all. Meanwhile, a small percentage of the population who’ve never had any real problems in life believe that having to act selflessly for maybe only a few minutes per day is an infringement on their rights.

While views on the mask requirements differ, surveys and investigative journalism conducted by The Pot Hole News has revealed one consistent opinion on the facial coverings: they really take the joy out of crop-dusting in large crowds. Crop-dusting is a slang term for the act of releasing flatulence while simultaneously walking in the vicinity of several people, spreading the smell over a large area not unlike a crop-dusting effect. Crop-dusting has been considered a timeless source of amusement for many at locations such as grocery stores, retail business, shopping centers, sporting events, and concerts. With the requirements of mandatory masks and social distancing, many people have expressed their disappointment in an activity that they could once do freely.

“Before COVID, I once crop-dusted this guy in an A&W so badly that he actually couldn’t finish the rest of his meal and threw it out,” said Richard Kearley (33). “I laughed about that for nearly three days straight. I tried the same thing last week at the Superstore and walked by at least a dozen people. They were all masked though and never caught a whiff of my brand. Nobody noticed, nobody cared. It was the most depressing thing in that grocery store aside from maybe the Hungry Man meals. I wasn’t even in the mood to try another, I just went home.”

Shawn Stevens (22), a University of Regina student, also shared Kearley’s sentiments in the lack of prime crop-dusting location.

“Man, the Riddell Centre used to be the cherriest place to crop-dust. On my way to class I used to start at the Tim Horton’s line-up and crop-dust all the way down past Henderson’s. During prime hours and following the railing by the tables I could easily crop-dust at least one hundred people. Now, I’m lucky to get ten people who all have masks on anyway. What’s the point? I might as well just go to the bathroom to fart like a Puritan.”

The Pot Hole News has received reports that while Saskatchewan residents are disappointed in the lack of crop-dusting prospects in public, they do feel fortunate that they will be able to crop-dust loved ones at home during the holiday season.