After consultation from a panel of scientists, psychologists, and consumer behavioral specialists, The Pot Hole News can confirm that enough time has probably passed that you can throw away or donate that lame gift you got from Grandma this Christmas.
“Our research suggests that over 30% of household clutter consists of gifts from grandma,” says Susan Baker, a professional organizer. “People are being held hostage into hoarding out of pure guilt. Look, I love my mom with every fiber of my being. But, this Christmas she bought my twelve-year old son a Precious Moments ornament depicting a couple reading a book together. What the Hell is he supposed to do with that, what kind of nearly teenage boy would even want something like that?”
Mrs. Baker told The Pot Hole that so long as you feign excitement on Christmas Day over a hockey jersey from a team you don’t cheer for and a Prayer-A-Day calendar and go to Christmas mass, you’re set. She recommends that you use the item in front of her, then discretely dispose of or donate it in the New Year.
With the COVID-19 restrictions in place over the Christmas season, it is also reported that a larger influx of comforting but ultimately impractical gifts from Grandma have been flooding the postal system. “It’s been terrible this year,” an anonymous postal worker told The Pot Hole. “Not only have we seen the usual suspects like Snuggies, brass animal sculptures, Jigsaw puzzles, off-brand DVDs that are blatant rip-offs of famous movies, and pocket Bibles but also so, so much cash and cheques being sent through the mail. My nan even mailed me something this year, it was NHL 2010 for the Playstation 3, a gaming console I’ve never owned.”
At press time, our experts have also informed us that enough time has passed to decline Grandma’s offers of that weird, gross candy that sticks together in the bowl.