SASKATOON, SK – A huge breath of relief was exhaled today by Sandra Nillson, an addiction counsellor who has been practicing for fifteen years, upon hearing that her newest intake patient is not addicted to various chemicals and high risk behaviors but choses to partake in them daily solely on his own volition. Daryn Giles, an ex-warehouse worker and the patient of Ms. Nillson, was sent to her through a court order after a disorderly conduct charge and his fifth DUI, which some sources claim to be a “bullshit call” as he was totally OK to drive.
“At first, I was concerned for Mr. Giles and the safety of himself and those around him,” said Nillson. “His medical and police files had described a long history of drug and alcohol abuse, problem gambling behaviors, and suggested that he has been addicted to tobacco for most of his life. I was ready to prepare a rehabilitation plan rife with lifestyle changes, mental health professionals, group therapy and medication. It would have been a long, arduous process that very well may have involved unravelling years of his trauma and guilt. I am just so relieved that Mr. Giles informed me so soon that this was just all a big misunderstanding and that everyone is out to get him before we went forward with that. We were able to let him go on the first day.”
Mr. Giles told The Pot Hole that he is not angry with Nillson for the misunderstanding, but rather with his, “stuck-up family who all think they’re all better than me and don’t know when to keep their noses out of my fucking business.” He then proceeded to explain that he cannot be an addict because he never drinks or smokes in the morning and that gambling is not a compulsive, addictive behavior but rather a money making system for skilled players, such as himself. He also insisted that he has never done a drug heavier than pot and that he just happens to be a nasal drip, so will you just get off of his ass about it, already?
After the interview, local sources informed The Pot Hole that Mr. Giles was seen at Tomas the Cook playing the video lottery terminals and drinking a schooner of Budweiser. He insisted that he was only having one and then immediately going home.