Kinky House Moans All Night Long from January Punishment

Sam Beasley/Unsplash

BIRCH HILLS, SK – It was a sleepless night for many Birch Hills residents due to the excited grunts of a local house. The three bedroom and 2 bathroom dwelling is reported to be a temperature and contortion fetishist that loves nothing more than to be a good little slave for the month of January.

When January binds the home in a cold snap, the obedient two-story slut writhes in pleasure and makes no effort to silence its carnal howls. This is much to the dismay of the home’s residents Paul and Deborah Lucyk, a married couple with two children that moved in the home in 2018.

“At first, everything was great,” said Deborah. “The home was inviting to friends and the kids loved it. To the untrained eye the home seemed like a regular, small town Saskatchewan home that you would have no problem introducing to your parents. Who would have thought that it did such… unusual things?”

The couple also reported that the home has brief encounters with November, December, and March but gets the most kinky with January and February. “The things that this home lets those two do to her makes me shudder,” said Paul. “But, then again, I guess it makes her shudder too. I just wish this house could settle in with a nice month like August. I love it when August comes around.”

In an exclusive interview with The Pot Hole News, January told our reporters that it intends on putting its slave under his boot and pushing it to its limit for at least another week. The month became visibly aroused at the thought of the house helplessly twisting, turning, creaking, and contorting. Then, right when the house thinks it is all over it is going to be handed to February for another round of extreme temperature play.

After a particularly loud session of their home moaning all night, the reportedly perplexed Lucyks found that somehow January had flooded the basement.


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