TURTLEFORD, SK – What started out as standard local news coverage turned into a series of startling revelations when The Pot Hole News covered the Turtleford 2021 Curling Bonspiel, only to discover that no one at the bonspiel actually enjoys the sport of curling and are only there for someone else’s sake.
This discovery began when The Pot Hole News interviewed local school teacher and curler, Robert Corbin, to ask him his predictions of the bonspiel results. During the interview, Corbin revealed that he did not care much about the results and was only in attendance because his wife, Heidi Corbin, drags him to the event every year. While Robert enjoys the relatively inexpensive drinks, supporting his community, and the socialization of the event he is unsure of how to let his peers know that his least favourite part of the event is having to curl.
As The Pot Hole investigated further, our journalistic team revealed that everyone in attendance shared Robert’s sentiments. His wife Heidi was only there because her sister Yvette goes every year, Yvette only goes because she is on a team with Robert, Heidi, and her husband Brad. Brad only comes because his father Henry’s logging business sponsors the event and gives out door prizes. The only reason that Henry does this is because he is on town council and it would be a bad look if he didn’t sponsor the event and that smug prick Jerry who ran the hardware store did. That smug prick Jerry who runs the hardware store revealed that he was only there so that his daughter and her friends have a team every year. The Pot Hole continued to find that every single person in attendance did not want to curl, and was there by a degree of separation. The circle became complete when The Pot Hole interviewed the final person in attendance, who revealed that he is only here because his old university buddy, Robert Corbin, asks him to come to every year.
At press time, participants of the Turtleford Curling Bonspiel looked sheepishly at the floor and quietly sipped their drinks when asked if they at least take joy in the company of their friends and spouses anymore.