KELVINGTON, SK – Local gas station attendant and COVID vaccine conspiracy theorist, Richard McKenzie (24), has expressed his concerns that the COVID vaccine will only serve to implant him a microchip so that they can track his every move. McKenzie is strong in his convictions and truly believes this despite the fact that he stays within a 1 kilometer radius of his home on an average day, and spends the bulk of an average day sitting in front of one of his many screens, the majority of which are actively tracking his data usage, preferences and dislikes, and keystrokes.
“The government needs to know everything we do,” said McKenzie as he pressed play on another Joe Rogan Podcast clip that he had been watching for the past two hours. “That’s why they’re making all this COVID stuff up , dude. It’s a global conspiracy that only the truly woke of us know.”
After making his comment to The Pot Hole News, McKenzie then spent the next four hours in the same spot on his couch watching Batman Begins and then The Dark Knight while simultaneously scrolling through social media and online shopping on his phone. It is reported that he only moved periodically to use the washroom and grab snacks and beverages.